i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
