I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
