Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
