Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
