my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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