My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
