My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
