I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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