i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
