does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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