i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he told me I talked like a deaf person
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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