I wish my penis had an off switch
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
