Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
