her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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