Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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