We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
