I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
