the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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