grandma shit on top of the toilet
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i believe in u and ur pee
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
