I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
