i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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