I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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