you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
