i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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