A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
its liver damage thursday
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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