and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
