if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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