he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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