we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
