just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
bring money and cleavage
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just blew my weed a kiss
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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