the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
