So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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