So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
