oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
