you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
