Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
