Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
