I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
