I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
