I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
