I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
