thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
