Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
