I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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