JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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