Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
