It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
