so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
