i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
