If i come over, it means nothing
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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