one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
