There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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