I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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