You're earring is so big in my mouth
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
