i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
