What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
