Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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