There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
