doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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