Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
