I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
