How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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